ADAM SANDLER - The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions
"And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college."[Dean:]
"Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations
on your upcoming graduation and I understand
you are interested in matriculating here in the fall."[Buffoon:]
"I got a snake, man!"[Dean:]
"Yes, pets are welcome here on campus.
Be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the occasional reptile."[Bu
"One time I fed it some beer man! It was slithering this way and that!
It was all fucked up!"[Dean:]
"I'm sure it was.
Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students
and pets here on campus."[Buffoon:]
"Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this policy.
So tell me a little bit more about your background."[Buffoon:]
"My father's a fucking asshole, man!"[Dean:]
"Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age son."[Buffoon:]
"My mother's a piece of shit too!"[Dean:]
"Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility
over the summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed
and ready to learn."[Buffoon:]
"My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man!
She had her head way up her ass!"[Dean:]
"Well the quality of the faculty at a University
such as ours far exceeds that of a local public high school."[Buffoon:]
"Your secretary's a real fat bitch, man!"[Dean:]
"Yes, she's tried many diets over the years with minimal success."[Buffoon:]
"I had diarhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day!"[Dean:]
"Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional stomach bug,
never a pleasurable experience.
So have you given any thought to your choice of major?"[Buffoon:]
"I've got a big fucking boner right now."[Dean:]
"I see. Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods
of nervous tension. I do not take offense."[Buffoon:]
"One time I ate my neighbors shit!"[Dean:]
"That's understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you.
We'll be sending you our decision by the end of the month."[Buffoon:]
"I bet you got really hairy balls."[Dean:]
"Yes, it's a veritable forest down there. Bye bye."